Past, Present, Future

After an hour of reading, laughing, and just a little crying at old old old xanga digests I've realized how much we've all grown since then. We were all so overdramatic, depressing, and seemed to crave attention. We were too involved in hating our lives that we forgot to enjoy it and spent our time deciding who we did not like instead or embracing those we loved. We were all idiots and its nice that it brings out a laugh and those old forgotten memories instead of the anger we once had. We are all different people now with different people in our lives as well. We may have outgrown our clothes, tempers, and emotions, but its nice to know that you can't outgrow your true friends. It's funny cause we all started out with all this deadweight of people who harshly meant little to nothing to us and as we grow we lose all that unnecessary weight and come out with those you love and do care about. Every one else and all that little small drama, oh so and so danced with who and who and then so and sos friend cried, all that doesn't even matter anymore. So with a new year I'm going to laugh at my past, smile at my present, and embrace the future.

1. I love you so much and I appreciate everything you've ever done for me. You taught me to be strong and to be brave even when things are scary. You taught me to trust myself and to be aware of my consequences. You raised us all when no one else would. You supported us even if it meant supporting youself a little less. You are selfless and I love you for it all. No matter what happens, my future will always be because of you.

Dependance.

I'm super scared. Tomorrow is like Judgement day or something, but I'm feeling the butterflies coming. I know I am dependent on others to show to myself that I'm doing good. I just can't help but constantly compare myself with others and have not-so-secret competitions to beat them at life. Therefore I must, must, must like excel to the max during my interview.
Full Name Angela Jane-Wan Lau
Nickname Angela
Date of Birth 9/18/93
Height5'4 and growing=)
Eye Color i would like to say a warmm chacolate sunday type of brown
Favorite Color turquoise
Favorite Animal giraffe they're tall
Favorite Sea Creature mermaid!
Favorite Animal Print giraffee
Favorite Food depends on how i feel
Favorite Vegetable celery sticks
Favorite Fruit grapes
Ideal Pizza chicken and mushroom yumm
Your Last Meal ricee
Favorite Potato Chips sunchips
Favorite Candy Bar twixx
Ideal Sundae chocolate and french vanilla with cofffee
Favorite Restaurant olive garden
Favorite Fast Food wendyss or taco bell noo taco nazoo
Favorite Oriental Food whats oriental? like asian?
Favorite Holiday christmas or thanksgiving
Favorite Season fall!!!
Favorite Amusement Park none theyre all scary
Favorite Vacation Spot somewhere to go snowboarding!
Something Outrageous You'd Like to Do hehe=)
Favorite Beer nonee
Favorite Mixed Drink like a shirley temple? cherries are good
Favorite Soda canada dry, canadians jsut make soda better
Favorite Latte caramel mocchaito
Most Missed Memory oh gosh way tooo many
Most Missed High School Memory still making them
Favorite Band none
Favorite Song ihatethispart pcd
Favorite Music Video haha taylor swift where she traches that guy's house
Favorite CD i own one ahha and its kanye west and its ok
Song you could listen to a million times liz phair why can't i
Favorite Movie mean girls haha!
Favorite Teak-Jerker teak? tear? lakehouse =(
Favorite Scary Movie haha no
Favorite Cartoon as told by ginger!!
Favorite Cartoon Character ginger! or patrick starr
Favorite Actor theyre all wahtevs
Favorite Actress same
Favorite Game Show wheel of forutne
Favorite Reality Show tila tequila haha
Movie/Show that made you cry the most the oc!
Hottest Actor chad micheal murray i could attack him
Hottest Actress megan foxx
A Movie You wish you could've been in all of them
Favorite Quote from a Movie who anwsers this?
Favorite Websitecollegeconfidential.com
Favorite Computer Game sims! sims 3 is coming out february hehehehhe!!
Favorite Video Game wii tennis
Favorite thing to Research college
If you could be an Animal giraffe what part of giraffe don't you undestand
If you could live anywhere paris
Song that best describes you im so blah i probably don't even have atune
Movie that describes your life tell me a movie where a girl wakes up goes to school avoids people run goes to tutor sleep and repeat
Dream Car bmx 3 series
Dream Job pediatrician
Favorite Book private series
Favorite Painting/Drawing anything alex arias haha
Least Favorite Food peas
Hate Anyone? oh i could go on and on
Would you turn back time if possible? yes and no i like now but there are parts before that i loved
Favorite Subject in School biology
Favorite Teacherjohannsen
Allergic to Anything? nope=)
Biggest Fears the dark heights cats roller coasters
If you were trapped on an island, what could'nt you live without?my best friends
What would you do with 5 Million Bucks invest and buy a huge house
One thing you'd change about the world not have homelessnesss
What charity would you donate to?american cancer society
When you're bored, what do you do? this haha
Philosophy of Life Forget about the bad aspects of life and try to focus on the good. Cause the good outnumber the bad.

Fastforward, Rewind, Pause.

Life isn't a dvd you pop into the dvd player so don't treat it like one. There is only one setting, not five so it's always going to be in play. Please inform me if I'm totally taking things the wrong way so I'll know to stop cause right now I'm like an obsessive freak who can't stop bugging my friends about what the heck is going on. But on a bright note, my life goal may begin to be achieved. I just need to ace an interview Wednesday morning and I can attend a leadership seminar. I know a lot of people must think I'm jsut doing this just cause, but really I love taking action wherever I can and its one of the only things I'm finding fun and enjoyable lately. So I'm really hoping I get it. Things with everything thsi year is just so.... off. Nothing seems to be normal of any sort. Just random like crazy. Random nights, random parties, random people, random places, soo incredibly random. Not bad though just not the right feeling but definitely not the best moments of my life.

Game

i have none. thats my problem. i dont know what to say. all i know is to be chased. and when its the other way im clueless. the more you dont want me the more i want you how terrible is that. oh gosh im ridiculous ha i just want to know the perfect hting to say at the perfect tiem is that so bad. Just give me the time of day.

That wierd twisty turby slippy feeling

OH MY! that feeling that just straight up hurts inside but feels so super good. That feeling has come back and oh my maybe its for someone who is totally off the wack train. or maybe not maybe someone that oh so super duper. i have yet to see but for now i will continue to feel awkward embarrassed happy smiley giggly shy bubbly and such!

Hoorays and Dillemas.

1. I am so relieved that everything is ok now atleast. I was really scared that everything was fucked over, but I'm so happy you're doing good. If I were to loose you fuck I really don't know what would happen my life would fuck over ha!. But you are my best freind and I love you to death and tell you all my stupid little things I have to say ie. my dog ate an alcohol popsicle. And you're always there for me although at times I may not be the most open person. Unlike that time you told me how much you apppreciated me for like HOURS! I'll tell you in a minute that I appreciate you for your strength and how you're basically carrying the world on your shoulders you still survive and able to fuck everyhting whenever you want. And I appreciate that no matter how I screw over you won't judge my ass and you'll be there I love you babe!
2. Fuck math to fucking MARS. YOU SUCK SOO MUCH. Because of you my chances of going to a college i'll enjoy is fucked up. You suck alot. And i got a tutor for you three times a week wow I'm pathetic.
3. Please dear god pleeeassseee do the thing you've been telling everyone you would. Cause that would just make my life. =))
4. You are always there for me to complain to and I know for sure i get majorly annoying but i love you love you love you i truly do. you are me go to person for emergency spill outs and when i see my secret lover and to tell my stupid little things to and ot help with homework and for me to just relieve my anger to.
5. Things are finally settling down for you after like months of aggravating stupid people. And I'm really glad that life is good for you. And even through it alll you were there for me and i hope i did atleast an ok job of being there for you. Fuck the past the future looks better so just let it all go and live your life to the best as it can be. And although we go to the same school, Ive been so involved in my own thing and you've been so involved in yours that we rarely have a chance to talk and it sucks that we seriously have to set days to catch up and what nots. But i want to say our lives will get less busy and much easier but the sad reality is it will only get more rough, but as long as we keep doing what we are doing and more I know for sure we'll be bests nomatter what.

TO DO:
1. homecoming dress
2. math
3. get an oybay cause fuck i want one to go into knott's mazes with, things that need dates with, to talk to at night, to be all smiles for, to just fucking be like everyone else.
4. renew some freindships
5. stop being annoyed shitless of some little bitches and big hoes.

Well my rage is out there =). Now dear god pleaseee i hope I open my locker and my wish comes true hehe. It would just be nice cause you know every(at least the ones i know) girl wishes that would happen.

1. What are your initials?
AL like a man

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
a dresss they make me feel oh so wodnerful!

3. Last thing you ate?
haha cereal!

4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
Any where selling Indian food. Sorry but damn I'm glad im asian.

5. I say Shotgun, you say:
FUCK you its MINE

6. Last person you hugged?
MARIANNE

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
I wish!

8. Would you date anyone you met online?
haha hell noo!

9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
my eyebrows=) haha

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
Olive Garden who can say no to unlimited bread sticks and salad?

11. Who is your best friend?
Janie banie and Crysmass

12. What time of the day is it?
wanshang damn my chinese is getting pretty bomb!

13. Who/What made you angry today?
Oh my mayeb i'm just an angry person but the list would go on and on

14. Baseball or Football?
fuck both are boring but baseball guys are hot, but my secret lover is on the football team so hard decision

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
pwahha me? it would be a definite no

16. Favorite type of Food?
the dark chocolate mousse kind

17. Favorite holiday:
i would so Christmas, but the food is always better at thanksgiving

18. Do you download music:
course

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
haha not really

20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
depends I wouldn't get one but its ok

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
haha no

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
oh gosh lets go back to last april or may haha

23. Do you love anyone?
my family and bests

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
what kind of question is that? oh look guys i have green contacts lets go make out? ahah that would be a no!

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
nope never ever

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
want to

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
eww yes again eww

28. How many pets do you have?
2 squirtell and my bedred!

29. Have you met a real redneck?
haha maybe

30. How is the weather right now?
cold LOVE IT FALL IS COMING!!=))

31. What are you listening to right now?
Taylor Swift Picture to Burn

32. What is your current favorite song?
jesse Mccartney buy you a drank his version is soo much better

33. What was the last movie you watched?
mean girls last night i can watch it a thousand tiems and still not so secretly love it

34. Do you wear contacts?
nope 20/20 baby!

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
sad to say school

36. What are you afraid of?
close to everything mostly failure

37. How many piercings have you had?
two i want four

38. What piercings do you want? another one on each ear

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
i before e unless its after c

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
caramel mocchiato!!=)) yumm

41. What Magazines are you reading?
lately none haha euro book!

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
noo i wouldnt even trust myself to touch one.

43. Are you missing someone?
not so much

44. Favorite TV show?
friends or gossip girl damn im such a chick

45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
HAHHAHHAHAHHA noo my brother is though

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
haha yes fifth grade Hilary duff. I remember being soo happy about that

47. What celeb do you look like?
no one

48. Who would you like to see right now?
hehe=)) someone i can't have

49. Favorite movie of all time?
the breakfast club

50. Do you find yourself loved?
im doing pretty good

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
oh wow yes

52. Favorite smell?
salvatore feragamo incanto yumm

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
with milk duds!!

54. Ever put a friend in a cop car on JukePix.com?
whats that?

55. Ever been in a cop car in real life?
yes ahha

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
no

57. Our Lady Peace or Nickelback?
what?

58. What's something that really bugs you?
people who are overly self centered and can't tell that all i want is for them to shut up for once

59. Do you like Michael Jackson?
hes a strange strange man

60. Taco Bell or Burger King?
how is that even comparable? TACO BELL DUH

61. What's your favorite perfume?
salvatore Ferragamo incanto

62. Favorite baseball team?
49ers?

63. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
what the heck is that? no

64. Nipple or Nose rings?
nosee

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? 24 looongg hours

66. Last time you went bowling?
wow probabaly with vincent ha! we should do it agian huh pauline?

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
a bus?

68. Who was your last phone call?
crystull

69. Last time you were at work?
school? today 2:44

70. What's the closest orange object to you?
the cap of a bottle of glue
well i musn't keep my ho,ework watiing for so long

Just when you thought that

everything was fine.

Something inside tells you otherwise.

Life

It's too short and I learned today that you should probably live it with smiles and the least bit of frowns as possible. What do I want for my birthday? One of those days where your whole life changes. Ever seen Breakfast Club? Best movie ever. I want it just like that.

Think, think, think

As I sit here anxiously waiting for kiis fm to stop their little talk show thing every Sunday I wonder, like really wonder how in the world do people let their lives to be a complete disappointment when they can just do a few things to change it. Maybe it's cause they're scared, scared of new problems that are worst than their situation now. Maybe it's because secretly, they enjoy it. Maybe it's cause they really just don't know where to start. Maybe it's cause they're still pondering on their last set of problems, unable to get pass them. Maybe it's because they are unable to see themselve happy. Maybe it's because they can't seem to get others to look at them differently. Maybe it's because they have set themselves to see that this is how life is and they just need to suck it up and deal. And yet the solution will always be right there just a reach away, they just need to get off their butts and realy reach for it. And maybe I'm afraid of the solution.

Farmer's tan!

Oy! I looked in the mirror today and I just noticed the worst farmers tan ever! effin track man. I'm sore in all the wrong place and I have never appreciated water so much in my life. School oh goodness school has been much more than overwhelming. Studying 24/7 and in between classes. Its unimaginable how many people now think I'm crazy cause for a few days I walked around practiving my speech. But goodness I'm exhausted like literally dead almost and I just can't put my finger on why. I mean this is the same thing as last year but last year it was 272830x better. Everything is just way too crazy with everything going on and yet I still find time to obsess over boys yet not do too well on my first math test. But I'm very proud of myself that I didn't yet flip out, partially becasue I'm in denial and partially because everyone else sucked ass too. But man am I just crazily well crazy over something I can not have. Well off to bed and awaiting tomorrow=)

it's a funny thing

At times its a tad ironic that the poeple you are the most annoyed of at times are the people you are around the most and the ones you want to be around you just don't seem to have the time. As much as I miss it all and as much as i try to try i just can't there is always some sort of obstacle to conquer and its too hard. For some odd reason life does this it pulls you into situations, places, and people that you just learn to tolerate and you get use to it. You may miss how it was, how it once was and its wierd to think that it seems that noone else misses it. Everyone settles for the now and yet your the only one that misses everything. Even as the tears fall you can't glue it all back together back to when you guys were close. And how come I can never say it, truly say it I don't know either. Even if it feels as if Im left out i say nothing I keep silent cause silence just makes life ten times easier. Hiding it all makes it so much easier. If everything were out in the open then maybe its all really true not just in my head. I'd like to say I'm strong and my life is perfect, but... That one thing that doesn't seem to be that important is tearing it all down and somehow one of these days everything will tip over and everything will be exposed. And am i ready for that? no. I'm not ready to let anyone know anything Im not ready to let people think I care Im not ready for people to know that i know whats going on Im not ready for anyone even the ones that seem the closest to me to pity me to think i was strong to know just about anything Im not ready but maybe ill just have to get ready and soon cause i cant take it anymore i cant take waking up and feeling like shit. i cant take going to sleep feeling like shit i cant take going through the day knowing i can no longer say those few words anymore to think that they were right. To admit it was so close for you to be gone to think that he could just take it even though you offered it hurts and it hurts alot to think that soon it might all end and i cant seem to gather the right words for you to tell you how much you meant to me to tell you that im thankful for it all. the words are on the tip of my tongue but i cant say it but hopefully you know. and you oh you wow i cant believe you. you make life so difficult for everyone you seem to live to make evreyone suffer everyone. you fucked it all up once and i really hope you dont again cause i really enjoy life as it is now i cant picture life any other way and yet you can yet you seem to think any other person would let you do what you do. if it were anyone else you would sleep at 9 you would be forced to go wherever you might even be in fuckin boot camp so seriously fuck you fuck evrything about you. you dont appreciate a single thing and only when things are messed up enough you decide maybe i should give in. well your a huge asshole i hope you know.but you know what in spite of that ill always care ill always be there ill always love you even if you dont think i do. and you, you run away at the first sight of a problem you tell me you hate what you are then why dont you fully run awya get out of my life i use you for one thing and one thing only and i can live without it but i know why your still here youre here for him you care for noone else but him but hes the big asshole here and for somereason you care for him then take him! id be thankful for both of you gone. i wish i could know jsut know that i have you two but at times im so unsure.

Little secrets and lies.

I am constantly attracted to things, situations, and people who smell like trouble and i already for see this trouble, yet i still go and try to discover what's so bad. And then i find out that I should listen to my gut. If i were to just listen to that little voice in my head the ten million times it talks to me a day I'd save my ass from ten million BAD situations. You know how we study history as kids so we'll see the end result of similar situations and learn from them to not make the same mistake? Well, it's evident that I do not pay attention in class seeing that everything is just a similar pattern in my life with a facade of a new place, a new person, a new environment. And yet when I'm dealt a new card a new situation i somehow go and change it back to my comfort zone. I wonder why when you want something so bad and your given it, all you want then, is for things to go back to how it was.

New Perspective.

After seriously not going out for months the play was a bright new change although the first act was spent inside the second was fun scarring the shits out of ourselves. i badly want to take my self out of lockdown cause its obviously not helping me its just making me have more free time with myself to have panicattacks about just everything and plus ive missed you know going out and having fun so maybe ill put things on lax and then things will be back to normal. Speaking of going back. Theres so much shit i miss about the past too much to explain and maybe ill get to relive it if i really try but i just realized how much has changed and the circumstances that we live under now are too different for the same reoccurring events. Maybe all i need is just a dose of my favorite people.

bitch!

I hate hoes and bitches. They just need to learn to back the hell off. Or maybe i do, i don't know but i need to back up into my homework.

DAMN!

It's hard to imagine that the last time i wrote in this thing was way back in the summer and its already half way through the school year. So much has changed since then, people matured and immature and of course there's regrets here and there but things have been so busy to even take notice of it. I miss my girls and i hate that I'm so busy and see the same few people a day but the important ones who keep me sane i see for like ten minutes. It's lame how people said things would change as you grow up and at the moment your just thinking like their on crack or something but its like time passes and your like damn how'd i get here and you think back to yourself and you were like wow they were right. One year everything can be peachy keen and the next some shit happens to shake up your world and its just left in chaos. But sometimes your just kept oblivious to the path that took you here but your completely aware of where your at but whats the point if you don't know how you got there. Things would be much easier to accept and just sort of move on if you knew exactly the steps you took and how one moment you could be like white on rice with someone and the next its like pudding and mustard. Or how you could change from this brain to this like dumbass. Shit changes and sometimes its for the better (hopefully most) but others its for the worst. But life is like a roller coaster they say you have you ups and downs and sometimes the downs seem to just drag on longer than the ups would last.